I've hit a point in my life at which I no longer feel comfortable in either places I call home. The people, the places, the cities themselves no longer feel like places I belong. Of course, ideally, I would pick up and move; I'd ask for a relocation from my job, or I'd up and find a new one. But university doesn't allow that, so what's a girl to do?
Well, I'm going to do what I think is likely the next best thing. I'm shipping up, and shipping out. This coming week is spring break, and while most of my classmates and friends are going to various tropical islands or exotic locales, I think I just need some time to myself - but somewhere new.
An old friend suggested I visit her up in Ontario. It seemed silly at the time, but the drive is only slightly longer than the drive to Boston used to be. What better place to find my own peace than with people who want me around in a place I've definitely never had the opportunity to explore.
I can keep myself busy while keeping myself unattached. I can take as much time to myself as I need (9 hours in a car each way will be the best for that, of course) and I can find that place in which I feel good in my own skin. And around other people.
When I come back, there will be no one waiting for me. Though this should feel worse than it does...it doesn't. And I don't particularly mind right now. As I cross the border coming home, I will surely feel a sense of dread looming, growing larger with every state further south I get. But the true test of my own capacity to find my footing and bring it all back will be the return to Richmond itself.
So here's to break. Tonight, we drink; tomorrow, I do laundry at my parents' place and grab my passport. Monday, I set out for some much-needed closure from the only person who matters.
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