Qualifiers and Modifiers

For some, no matter how hard they try and no matter what they accomplish, nothing seems like enough.

I feel betrayed by my university. It's kind of stupid, really. I just wish maybe they'd care enough not to make me take classes that will further enhance my penchant towards mid-semester depression plummets.

I digress.

I find myself making schedules, counting days, making plans, hoping, wishing - wishing I knew how to pray, even? - just to keep my feet on the ground. The distance will be hard, I have no doubt. Distance always is. But we have lives apart from each other and that is something that I cannot and will not allow to be altered. Maybe I was spoiled by seeing her so much over break, as she mentioned she herself was, but I like to think I have more self-control than that. I won't up and jump on a Greyhound to Chapel Hill at midnight on a Wednesday night because I can't stand sleeping in a bed alone, without her.

I do see myself possibly sinking into CNU mode this semester around. I can't lie about it; there's no use. I'm not fooling myself or anyone around me by saying otherwise. The schedule I have and my tendency to slip into depression when isolated from friends and loved ones together bodes for nothing all-too-appetizing.

I'm hoping I do better for myself this time around, though. I think I'll be able to, with the right balance of getting out of my apartment, being with people, working out until I can't walk/see straight, and possibly even eating more than four or five times a week.

So I raise my glass (okay - it's a can of diet Dr. Pepper. At least I'm drinking the overachiever of the titular sodas) to me. Cheers to finishing my second year of university with as much fire and delicious chaos with which I started.